Aloha

Every day there is laughter, fighting, love, and eye rolls in our house.  These beautiful sounds and gestures have been amplified the last nine days, as my bestie's children joined us for our grumpy morning routines, car lines, school programs, and dinner table follies.  They head home today, and we'll miss the extra goofiness and smiles, but I know they're ready to go back to their beds, their parents...and it will be good to have a little normal around here again, too.  And I think my husband mortified the teenage girls last night with a sex talk. Well, a don't have sex talk.

This week has gotten me thinking about what I'm going to do when they're all grown up...what will I do?  What will that be like??  I've written for years, mostly journaling and poems, and started a book a few years ago, and put it off, put it down, stopped contributing my thoughts and words to it, and so it sits.  I'm considering picking it back up.  I'm considering going back to college and getting a degree in English.  I tried the online college thing a few months ago, and it was not for me.  Not at all.  I much prefer being in a classroom on a campus. I love that I get to consider things...I'm good at that.  If there were a degree in it...

Funny how having small, freckle faced, smiling, grumpy, sleepy eyed, small hands holding yours can make me think about so many things...I want everything for them, but I don't want to get lost in the process.  Working out and walking more consistently is good for me, and I think picking my book back up would be, too.  And dates with my husband.  Are you reading this, honey?

weekend, where art thou?

Oh, there you are.  It's Friday.  Technically the weekend, right?  Good.  Another 45 minute workout to kick it off.

I have two nights to consume wine and not feel bad about it.  Woot.  I would put an exclamation point, but I'm tired.  And my body hurts.  Stairmaster, treadmill, & recumbent bicycle tonight.  What what??  That's right.  Boob sweat and all.  In fact, sweat in my pants for the second time this week.  And both times went to the grocery store after.  Tonight I opted for Winn Dixie in Seffner.  If you've ever been to Seffner, you understand why boob and crotch sweat shopping is okay.  Decided Publix is a little too classy.

Five kids delivered to four schools every day this week on time, and picked up on time.  And baby girl's program last night at school.  The week went well.  Wasn't sure we'd manage it, but indeed, the Turner Clan put on it's super cape and rocked the hell out of schedules.  Schedules can kiss my slowly firming butt.

Have a great weekend, folks..it's a beautiful day to smile and stretch and love and play.

toothpicks

I need toothpicks to keep my eyes open.  You know those pictures you see of really tired people with toothpicks keeping their eyes open?  That's me.  The regular enforcers of laughter, fighting, joy, and screaming have two comrades this week.  Yes, the miniature people in my house went from three to five this week.  And I'm beat.  If you're considering having five kids, consider this:

1. Get a sponsor much like Danica Patrick did.  You might as well.  You will be driving all day, and driving on the road with very selfish people all around you.  That's right, all local driving on local roads...some in rural areas.  Smile and nod, cracks and potholes.  I've learned where to put my wheels.  As you know, I am only trying to get where I'm going safely, as I'm sure you will be, but everybody else is a jackwagon and causes traffic problems.  They don't share the road.  They relentlessly ride your back.  How much does Danica make?

2. They aren't all going to wake up easily.  In fact, you may want to think about keeping a bell, whistle, or pots and pans readily available to bang.  Think of it as reliving your days rocking out to GNR.  Well, if you're considering having five kids, you're probably not my age...okay, think of it as reliving your days rocking out to Slipknot.  It's fun, really...see which one opens one eye and snarls first.

3.  INVEST IN COFFEE.  I can't stress this enough.  Those energy boost drinks are really bad for you, but a couple of cups of coffee in the morning goes a long way.  Again, I cannot stress this enough...if you don't like coffee, please please please start.

4.  They don't all like the same food.  'Nuff said.  Prepare them early, around the time they learn to talk and understand, that they will like what you make.

5.  Reusing towels must be done.  Otherwise you will not have time to drive 50 miles a day, as you'll be washing towels every day.

6.  Girls...if they're girls, they become teenagers.  Teenage girls have periods.

7.  Exercise - take 45 minutes a day to yourself to focus on you.  While doing that, worry the entire time about them even though your spouse is home taking care of them.

These are just a few to get you started...I'm sure by the time you've had number two, you'll get it and can fill in your own blanks.

thank you

Ever wake up and have seven kids in your house?  I did today...16, 15, 15, 13, 12, 11, & 9.  My bestie is en route as I write to Las Vegas and Hawaii with her hubby for a week and I get my "other children" for the week.  My niece is also here, and I am uber impressed that we all chipped in and cleaned the house this morning.  That's right, I put those little mooches to work.  Housecleaning is NOT my favorite thing...if you know me, you know that.  I like to sip coffee and look at the mess.

But it needed to be done, because tomorrow my house will smell like candlescandlescandles when I have a PartyLite show here.  I need new candles!  Get out those checkbooks, ladies!!

Last night we celebrated our adoption anniversary with dad...celebrated a little late, but that's okay.  Traditions can change a little.  We went to The Colonnade, our family love happy restaurant.  Such a special place for our family.  This year is our 25 year anniversary.  Second year celebrating without him, and it's hard...took a toll on me as we were wrapping the evening up.  Warm tears, pain inside, and the tears streamed.  Couldn't stop once they started.  I smiled, too, because he was the best dad in the whole wide world, and he was ours.  I really miss him.

I looked at mom with her seven grandchildren, one on the way any day now growing in my sissy's belly to make number eight...what a love filled family we have.  Standing where we've been standing as a family for 25 years to celebrate one of the most special days in our lives.  My husband beside me, man, I got it made.  Thank you, God, for blessing me with so much love.

f'n cat

I don't agree with FCATs.  But they're here.  This week, FCATs have consumed me and mine.  They started Monday, and I've been volunteering in the front office while the secretary is proctoring tests...and while my children are taking this bleepbleepbleep test.  They've all done well on it...this year is baby girl's first year taking it, she's 3rd grade and 3rd grade is the year they begin to beat the students with this test.  They do well, and I'm not worried about them "passing" it, but I don't like it.  I think standardized testing is a good tool to measure the success and progress of a school, but an end-all and be-all?  No way.  Absurd!  Anyway, don't get me started the stupid frickin piece of cr.....

So I've been busy in the mornings and had the pleasure of dealing with getting the brakes done on my van  yesterday.  Every day something has come up, except for Monday morning when I rocked the Y, and I haven't been able to work out.  Supposed to work out tonight with Debby...I want sweaty boobs!!

No FCAT tomorrow - it's a makeup day.  The nonsense continues Monday...we're almost done!

all kinds of pads

After being "trapped" in the house all week with sick kids, and only one workout at the Y in that week, I was so looking forward to working out all weekend at the Y.

Then Friday night I got my first period since I miscarried.  Without being too detailed, I will say that there is no way I'm jumping around in public right now, and the pain is more uncomfortable than normal.  Trying to think of a way I can get some good cardio in today, because my mental breakdown is going to outweigh any "non progress" I've made on the getting healthy track.

Otherwise, it has been a pretty good weekend.  Went to our oldest daughter's high school drama club's performance of "Little Shop of Horrors" Friday night.  It was great!!  I cried, seeing, her so excited and proud, and the non-stop smile on her face.  I love my bug.

Then spent the WHOLE day on the couch yesterday with my heating pad, and counting inventory of maxi pads.  No tampons yet.  :(   Did watch "We Bought A Zoo" while stuck on couch...that was a fantastic movie.  Also watched all the Thursday night stuff we had on DVR, so I'm all caught up.  TRUST ME, I would've rather been working out.  Watching television with back, abdomen, and leg pain is just not fun.

Today woke up determined to not be on the couch all day.  Kids are talking about washing my van today.  That would be so nice..."pick up all of the crayons and straw wrappers, please!".  Perhaps I'll help them...get me some Vitamin D and fresh air.

hit a homer

Self assessing today.........it's a good thing.  Learned a lot, some great and some not so pretty.  What will be the outcome is a better me.  Yeah, I said it.  A BETTER me.  I don't need to list everything about myself I consider a short coming, but I can say that I'm worth it.  We all are.  Peace, friends.  <3

more than i can chew?

Sometimes I bite off more than I can chew...we all know that saying.  How do we know how much we can chew if we don't bite, though?  The consequence often is "burn out" or increase of stress levels.  I guess the answer is specific to the individual.  I do think, though, that none of us really knows how much we can take unless we keep trying.  The key is to bite off the things we enjoy...I know what I want to do, what I enjoy doing.  Those are the things I need to focus on.  Jesus, my husband, my kids, myself, my family, and continuing my education.  There are other organizations I enjoy being a part of,  but I am going to need to lean on others in those areas so that they are fun and fulfilling.  Get my head straight.  Don't overwhelm myself, especially with things that aren't at the top of the list.

I'm opening my mind to the help and peace medication may be able to provide.  And flattening with my feet the stigma attached to help.  This, of course, along with exercise and prayer.  It's a plan.  :)

Jam

I feel like I'm in a traffic jam.  I know where I want to go, and at times am en route...then I'm stuck.  How easily I start to get frustrated and shrug and not care about myself.  I think part of my journey to be all that I can be will include figuring out the obstacles that I allow to start to defeat me.  And to figure out why I feel like I don't like myself sometimes.  Medication?  Perhaps.  I've tried some and some have helped, but have ultimately not worked because of other things they did to my body that made it not worth staying on them.  I loathe that I'm looking for a "pill" to cure anything anyway.  What happened to just being?

I'll be 38 this year, and I know that's young.  But at times I feel like it's too late to do a lot of things I want to do.  I know that's self loathing happening, and I try to shut it down, but negativity is an incredibly powerful force.  Yes, I'm stuck in "If I could just...".  I want to hop into a different cycle.  Shut negative down.

Gross

Saw myself in some pictures from my sister's baby shower this weekend and Easter.  Gross.  I'm glad we joined the Y a few weeks ago, and I've been using it...I'm feeling frustrated that I haven't made any progress.  None.  I'm disgusting.  I don't know what to do.

Outside of self loathing, it was a pretty good weekend.  Went to the Rays home opener Friday with Stephen and the Rays  beat the Yankees - woohoo!  I sure miss the Rays when it's not baseball season!

Saturday was my sister's baby shower, which was fun but also difficult for me.  After I miscarried last month, I feel like I haven't had any time to deal with it.  It came on the heels of Stephen's heart surgery, and planning a baby shower for my sister.  I feel like I've been a little forgotten.

Yesterday was Easter, which was fun, but I felt fat and gross and we all started to feel like we're getting sick.  Today, I'm  home sick with three sick kids.  :(  That came on fast and yucky.  None of us feels good at all.  :(

Signing off

Take me back to the ball game.....after I go to the Y

Went to the Y today with my friend, Debby.  By the time we left, I think our faces were red mark splotched & sweaty, and our boobs were sweating.  This is a good feeling.  No Ipod necessary this morning, I had Debby to bother with my nonsense filled life.  Rushed home to shower and with intentions of eating, which I didn't.  Thank goodness for the footlong hot dog later at the Rays game.

Yes, folks, Stephen & I hit the Rays home opener today.  Traffic sucked, but the hot dog and Bud Light and date day with hubby were worth it.  Rays won in an AWESOME 7-6 win over the Stankees.  Welcome back, Pena. Did I mention Stephen and I went to the Rays home opener today?  My first home opener ever.  LOVED it.

I think I've countered all the calories I burned with the hot dog, Bud Light, dinner at Matoi Sushi (be jealous), & wine at home.  I wonder if Debby is countering hers.  Indeed, I think she is, for she is at the Proud Pony in Riverview.  I'm not sure I can be seen with Debby again.  ;)

On your mark...

Here it is...the stuff spilling out of my head that I just have to share.