pity party

The words "pity party" have come up in my conversations three times this week.  This is what I think about pity parties -

They're okay.  It's always okay to mourn loss, grieve, be sad about something, as long as it doesn't consume your life.

Just because you're sad about something doesn't mean you don't appreciate blessings and know that you're fortunate.

Accept help during pity parties - accept love, compliments, help, encouragement.  Don't feel like you don't deserve it.

The pity party must come to an end, and be left in the past.  Another one will likely come, & that's okay.  If you need to lean on family & friends, lean on family & friends.

When you see somebody having a pity party, reach out to them.  It may seem annoying or burdensome, but I promise, that person is grateful you reached out.

hu·man·i·ty

(h)yo͞oˈmanitē/

noun

1. 1.

   the human race; human beings collectively.

   "appalling crimes against humanity"

   synonyms:

   humankind, mankind, man, people, human beings, humans, the human race, mortals; More
2. 2.

   humaneness; benevolence.

   "he praised them for their standards of humanity, care, and dignity"

beauty

I've always found beauty in small spaces.  In weird places.  In unsuspecting places.

Today was no exception.  I took my nephew and his girlfriend to take their newborn son to a doctor appointment, and my people watching skills were at volume ashighasitgoes.  We were at a hospital in the local "big city", so it was busy.

First sight - youth.  Life starting.  Really beginning.  It's all ahead of them, and I hope they know it.  They're unstoppable.

Next sight was twenty something and an employee.  So content with what he's doing, and will always will be.

Next sight was older than me...much older.  A couple who looked like they'd been married at least 40 years.  She was in charge.  Paperwork, dressed up, fully made up.  And clearly loving him.  When they called his name, she was in charge.  I felt like Wayne & Garth - "we're not worthy, we're not worthy......"

Next, he didn't speak English.  But he was there for something.  He was alone, so I wondered why he was alone.  And  wanted to hold his hand.

Hallways, turns around the corners, elevators...life is all around us.  Friendly smiles, pressing the button, holding the elevator, letting somebody go first.  And it's beautiful.

inside out

Depression is kicking my butt lately.  I'm trying hard to not feel frozen, but am more often than I'd like lately.

The darkness achieved when eyelids close
Is peace at least for some time to pass
Maybe when I crawl out of this space
I'll want to keep them open awhile

Good days and bad days and days in between
Thanking God for my blessings
Selfishly wishing I didn't struggle
To hold onto a smile

Mind fighting against me sometimes
Saving me others
Rushing and stall
Confusing and confident

If I could look inside my brain
Would I be scared or awed

what i don't want to ever have to do

Another fail  - baking.  Again.  I'm not good at it...I don't like it.  It's frustrating & stressful.  I'm near tears because it's another thing I can't do.  I know, I do a lot of things well  & right.  I know.  But this isn't one & this is the time of year happy homemakers are supposed to shine.  Guess what?  I don't like cleaning, I don't like baking.  I like cooking, but even that my husband kicks my ass at.  Which is good, I love his cooking.  I feel like a failure when it comes to what I'm supposed to be good at.  I'm not crafty, I don't like crafting...I'm left to wonder what I'm good at in the house.

I don't even eat cookies.  My family does but I don't.  I suck.