toothpicks

I need toothpicks to keep my eyes open.  You know those pictures you see of really tired people with toothpicks keeping their eyes open?  That's me.  The regular enforcers of laughter, fighting, joy, and screaming have two comrades this week.  Yes, the miniature people in my house went from three to five this week.  And I'm beat.  If you're considering having five kids, consider this:

1. Get a sponsor much like Danica Patrick did.  You might as well.  You will be driving all day, and driving on the road with very selfish people all around you.  That's right, all local driving on local roads...some in rural areas.  Smile and nod, cracks and potholes.  I've learned where to put my wheels.  As you know, I am only trying to get where I'm going safely, as I'm sure you will be, but everybody else is a jackwagon and causes traffic problems.  They don't share the road.  They relentlessly ride your back.  How much does Danica make?

2. They aren't all going to wake up easily.  In fact, you may want to think about keeping a bell, whistle, or pots and pans readily available to bang.  Think of it as reliving your days rocking out to GNR.  Well, if you're considering having five kids, you're probably not my age...okay, think of it as reliving your days rocking out to Slipknot.  It's fun, really...see which one opens one eye and snarls first.

3.  INVEST IN COFFEE.  I can't stress this enough.  Those energy boost drinks are really bad for you, but a couple of cups of coffee in the morning goes a long way.  Again, I cannot stress this enough...if you don't like coffee, please please please start.

4.  They don't all like the same food.  'Nuff said.  Prepare them early, around the time they learn to talk and understand, that they will like what you make.

5.  Reusing towels must be done.  Otherwise you will not have time to drive 50 miles a day, as you'll be washing towels every day.

6.  Girls...if they're girls, they become teenagers.  Teenage girls have periods.

7.  Exercise - take 45 minutes a day to yourself to focus on you.  While doing that, worry the entire time about them even though your spouse is home taking care of them.

These are just a few to get you started...I'm sure by the time you've had number two, you'll get it and can fill in your own blanks.