happy father's day

Happy Father's Day to my husband, Stephen.  The best husband and father in the world.  You are the world to me and I am so fortunate that you are our children's father.  We slept late a little, and you got our cheesy gift.  Blender to make smoothies.  Protein smoothies to be precise.  And you better!  We're on a roll.......we're rockstars and we got this.  Our deeply intensive, kickass, and painful workouts deserve a Stephen modified protein smoothie.  I love you.  The handmade cards from the kids were a bonus.  YOU ARE LOVED!

Happy Father's Day to my dad.  I didn't think that at 38 years old I'd be two years into Father's Days without my dad here.  Let me say, to everybody whose dad is here, SPOIL YOUR DADS.  Spoil your parents.  They are to be loved and cherished and treasured.  I talk to my dad daily, but he's not here.  It makes me sad, very sad.  The love is there, the relationship is there, but I miss my dad.  My kids miss their Da.  We drove an hour today to the cemetery, and the whole time I was rushing myself to think, this time I'm not going to be a mess. This time I'm not going to boohoo.  But I did.  Of course I did.  Buying flowers on the way to see my dad?  At the Florida National Cemetery?  What?  No.  But yes.  Dad, I miss you so much, and I sometimes am still in the "it's not fair".  But I heard you today.  I love you.  My heart is overwhelmed with love for you and mom.  Thank you for the hard lessons, the love, the forward gear.  Thank you for ALWAYS loving me.  For never messing up.  For always wanting the best for us.  I look for you always, and I see you when I need you.   I love you.

roots

Home from a much too quick trip to Alabama for our family reunion.  Second time there since Granny passed away, and it's so strange to me to go there and know we're not going to see her.  Got me thinking...about where we come from, if our ancestors loved us already before they knew us.  I know I think about things like that.  I hope I leave a legacy of love and I hope my great great great grandchildren know I love them.  Roots are incredibly powerful.  So strong many times, and thirsty...always growing and reaching.  Their goal to grow and expand what they've created.  I look at my features...my eyes, ears, hands...and wonder what piece of who did that come from.  I look at my children's features, and I see me in them, and I see Stephen in them, and I wonder...who else?  Stewarts love to say "our roots run deep"...they sure do.  Our family is so large, and when we all come together, I see so much love between all of us.

I love and miss my Granny.  She was a wealth of information and stories about our family.  I started researching our ancestry several years ago, and couldn't believe the amount of information she had.  All so crisp and clear, like it was yesterday.  And fun stories that left me laughing.  And sad stories, and even tragedy.

The roots keep the tree growing, though.  A branch may be affected by drought or storm, but it will recover.  A leaf may be gone, but it always is part of the tree.  It falls to the base and grows back into the tree.  We have a big, strong tree.  Indeed.

no kleenex

Today was the 5th grade celebration for our youngest son.  I had fun, delivering the pizzas, helping serve food, watching the kids dance.  As the slideshow started, I sat down, ready to enjoy the pictures and smile.  I did smile and enjoy the pictures.  But in the few moments of quiet during the slideshow, I became overwhelmed with emotion.  Pride, happiness, joy...and the feeling that so much has happened in the last couple of years, and God I hope I'm doing this right.  So much loss, but so much gain...I hope I'm helping grow my children into kind, successful, loving people.  We've experienced so much in the last couple of years.  I lost my dad, lost my home, almost lost my marriage, had a miscarriage...it all hit me at once.  Life kept right on walking, running sometimes, and I pray that along the way I showed my children a strong, loving woman.  I know I showed weakness at times, and sometimes I dwell on that, but I try to trust in my strength, trust in God, embrace the blessings He's given me, and enjoy this journey...and focus on strength.  I watched my son enjoying his friends, I danced, I laughed...I did all of these things today.  Thank you, God.  Thank you.

what is it?

Is it hormones?  Is it burnout?  I don't know, but I know I'm tired.  Summer is on its way and I can't wait!  Today was one of those days - Florida rain eliminating the possibility of me being motivated to do anything.  Anything.

In true Florida fashion, we pulled off the end of year party for my oldest daughter's Girl Scouts troop.  Swim, swim in the rain, looking for lightning.  There never was any.  Enjoyed a Latin feast...girls had a fun trivia game, got their awards, it all wrapped up, and I question why I want to look forward to wrapping up the school year...like summer.  That means that a school year has wrapped up, and it's all going by so fast.  Is that really something we want to rush?  I think not.  I do think summer is worth looking for, don't get me wrong.  But it means I'm rushing away the stuff that keeps us busy, and sometimes busy is a good thing.  I can assure you my kind of busy is a good thing.  Thank you, 594, for making our lives more fun, more beautiful...and to our leader, Sam, who I cannot say enough about.  Girl Scouts RULE.  I love these girls.  I love love love  love love them.  Without a doubt!