hurt me

Sometimes I look at stuff & think I'm not old.  And sometimes I look at stuff & feel old.   I'm not.  Stop making me feel it.  I close my eyes & it's absolutely yesterday.  What the fuck happened?  Close your eyes.  For real.  That shit is gone as fast as you felt it.

Sometimes this is good.  Trust me.  And sometimes it's disorienting.  Train roll on.........wow.  And still it perseveres.  I hope some life lessons, some ridiculous lessons do, too.  Let me feel that hurt, feel shit so you don't have to.

Hurt me, burn me, scar me.  And nobody else.

Life moves so fast..........so fast.  While you're complaining about some bullshit, it's moving around you.  Enjoy the ride.

sometimes in life

sometimes in life

there's so much you can't say okay

you can't smile and step

but you learn that those smiles & steps and okays are not needed for things to move forward

it does it anyway

and you run to catch up

saturday in b-town

Went to a chocoholic PartyLite show at one of my best friend's houses last night...so much fun.  Chocolate isn't really my thing, but the chocolate martinis were great, & friends are amazing!  So fun to spend time with friends and family!!

Woke up well rested...for the first time in weeks!  Stephen & I went to Lowe's...boring......Home Depot...........boring......broken garage door.  And broken garbage disposal.  Luckily, he has a clue.  Followed by WalMart...groceries & shopping.  This confirmed that I love shopping with Stephen.  I do.  It's fun.  Thank you for shopping with my, my sexy husband.

Waiting for all the kids to be in bed & we're going to watch another movie.  The highlight of our weekend, and I love it.  Roll Tide, movies, my husband, & a long weekend.  Y'all enjoy your long weekend, I'm going to enjoy mine.

being a grownup is sometimes stupid

After being sick for almost two weeks, I am having wine this weekend.  Not sure if that's okay with an antibiotic, but I also kind of don't care.  My week was long, the last two days were draining, and yes, I know, white girl problems, but whatevs.  Wine me.  May not be a grownup thing to do, but...eye rolls...just pour.

Super duper cleaned the house over the last two days for our landlord to do the mid-lease walk-through.  Mid-lease walk-through?  What?  I've never heard of that, but okay.  Best guess is because we're on such a long lease that he just wanted an idea of how things are.  So, basically, the house is cleaner than it's ever been.  Evil grin attached.  Gotta give props to Stephen - he did most of it while I laid in a pile of kleenex, medicine, and snot.  And the kids.  And big award for helper goes to baby girl - didn't stop helping, always asking what she could do next.  Clearly going to be a good house cleaner, much unlike her mommy!

I looked today for the mommy manual, but can't find it.  Desperately needing it, I think I'm going to chew all of my nails off & have more grey hair than normal overtaking my beautiful brown locks soon if I don't find it. Anybody have a copy?  Without too much detail, please just keep us in your thoughts.  Teenager drama abounds.

Tonight daddy and I are going to eat havarti cheese, smoked gouda cheese, crackers, & soppressata and watch a movie while I figure out why there are no straws that fit into a bottle of Pinot Grigio.  Y'all have a good night.

what is to me was to you......................

Realized tonight that what is my granny is my mom's mother.  How detailed we make our children's inheritance when we create our children.......what is to me is totally different than what is to her.  Looking at pictures, listening to music..........her legacy to me is different than her legacy to my mom.

Genes, listen up.  Thank you.  There is so much love in our family.  Thank you.  Southern by the grace of God.  Not that that doesn't exist other places, but I know fo' sho' that it does here.  

And how many of us create our children not even THINKING about his?  Yep.  Thought so.  So........assignment - family tree.  NOW.  I love all of you.  <3

empathy

“For you see, when us people who know run into each other that's an event. It almost never happens. Sometimes we meet each other and neither guesses that the other is one who knows. That's a bad thing. It's happened to me a lot of times. But you see there are so few of us.”  - Carson McCullers, The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter


One of my favorite books.  And makes me think of empathy.  Putting one in another's shoes, so to speak.  Or, quite literally, knowing what another's shoes are like.  This is even more rare and difficult.  

Don't we all muddle through life thinking "you don't know how it feels"......?  I think we do...disagree or not, it's how I feel.  And maybe we do things that make us survive a moment, whether anybody else thinks it's needed or not.  And a definition of a moment is dependent on the person who is experiencing the moment.  

A friend told me once, and these were not her words, but quoted ones, "Be kinder than necessary because everybody is fighting some kind of battle".  Truer words have never been spoken.  

Open your hearts, feel each other's needs.  I believe that humanity needs this, and that we don't all cry out the same way.   Listen...and love.  My hope for all of my family & friends is years of happiness, no need to cry out...but when we do...listen and love.

history, looking more than twice, feeling in your bones

When I was a kid, I never would've imagined that I would, as an adult, love history as much as I do.  I really couldn't stand it when I was a kid.  I am convinced that much of my love of the things I can touch, see, imagine what they were like, know why they are the way they are now because of what they were, comes from my parents, and their endless efforts to show me & my sissy life outside of west central Florida.  Don't get me wrong, I love Florida, I love where I'm from...but I know I love other places because my parents helped foster that love.  Talking today with Girl Scouts, planning our year, and churning that over in my mind today, the way I tend to do, made me go, "Oh!  Mom and Dad.  Thank you".

I hope to be as influential in my children's thoughts when they're adults as my parents are in mine.  Mom, I love you so much.  Dad, I love you so much, and I miss you so much.  Thank you for being the best parents ever.  I don't take anything for granted......because of you.