passion......

Our girls are at birthday party sleepovers.  I left my husband in charge of our boys while I went to a passion party.  Haven't been to one in a few years!  Forgot how fun they are.  What is it, you ask??  Well.....

1.  Prepare for your consultant to say words you wouldn't say in front of your kids multiple times
2.  Prepare to handle many vibrators
3.  Prepare to handle many lotions and edibles
4.  Prepare to laugh and have a good time

Had a good time.......looked at vibrators with Debby, Sam, & Kristin.  Met a girl who I probably knew in junior high and Skateland times.  Met an old friend's wife.  Had a great time.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.............

vroom vroom

Another eventful week of running around.......driving around!  Some hot topics:

1.     Girl Scouts - a troop contacted me that Chloe can join.  Woooooohoo!!!!!!!!

2.     Gas - gas is WAY too expensive.  I'm really beginning to consider doing "side work" to pay for gas...  oh, does anybody have a leather miniskirt I can borrow?

3.      Neighborhood cats - growing up, my sister and I loved stray cats.  I remember one in particular...we found her shortly after moving to Valrico from South Tampa.  We grew up in Valrico on Lady Guinevere Dr., so we called her "Gwen".  Mom and Dad weren't on board.  We snuck food to it until it found a better house.
           I stand before you, today, and tell you that the cat we got last May for Rachel's birthday is an indoor/outdoor cat.  Mostly outdoor.  I think it's now a neighborhood cat.  He came home today to eat and had a brand new flea collar on.  Turner Clan says thank you!

4.        Brendan is coming this weekend...woooooooooooooottt!  He joined the swim team at his high school, so he won't be here until late.  Because I love him, I made a special dinner for him and Daddy.  I worked extra hard in the kitchen tonight.  I felt the need to share that.

5.        My family loves Monty Python...and I love that.  They stop what they're doing, all of them, to watch.

6.        My bestie is so close to being back in college!  I am SO proud of her and excited for her!!!!!!!  She is going to ROCK as an ESE teacher!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Fun week.......tired of deejay legal wars and lawsuits, I would prefer to listen to anything else...proud of my kids for being amazing kids, love my mama, missing my dad, new dosage of crazy pills........all in a day, my friends.  All in a day.

Have a great weekend!
   

don't read if you think i always smile

I am so far from perfect, nowhere near content.
My mind runs constantly.
So many good days
Too many days with tears.
What am I in this world?  Not much if you ask me.

Wait, no...mind runs...
You are so much! it tells me
Why are you hurting yourself?
Love yourself.  Hug yourself.

Pride.
Shame.
Fear.
Joy.

All the time.

me

So, one thing that has become abundantly clear to me.......God made me, just the way I am.  And I'm okay.  And good.  And try hard enough.  And am always trying.  This is good.

This week was busy........exams at high school & middle school.  Lots of studying...lots of getting ready.......kids did well on exams, I think, though I wish Rachel had taken this nine weeks a little more seriously.  Considering taking her out of IB and putting her in traditional high school.

A very good friend's baby was in the hospital, so I spent the last couple of days with her and him, and my cousin's dog passed away, so I spent part of yesterday with him.

Part of me wonders why I can't devote the time to myself that I dedicate to my family and friends.  I'm getting there, though.  I did work out twice this week at the YMCA...down one pound!

Stephen and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary last Monday.  What a ride it's been!  I say here and now, he is my best friend.   And the love of my life.  I know he always has my best interest at heart, and wants the best for us.  I LOVE MY HUSBAND.

Stephen had his first week at the new job.  He loves it,I can tell, but he is so busy, and staying late.  Weird to have him come home so late after so many years of him being home at 5:15 p.m.  It is so nice to see him excited about work, and feeling like he's in a positive environment!

My week was crazy......between exam schedules, pancakes with parents at the elementary school, and PTA meetings, I am beat.  Today was an "I gotta nap" day.  Got one in around 12:30 p.m. for about an hour and a half.  And I'm still exhausted.

Christmas decorations are completely in boxes...just need Stephen to put them away.  Hoping to steam clean carpets tomorrow, and go to a Thirty One party at a friend's house.  Dinner with very good friend (same one whose baby, and her, I went to see at Brandon Hospital) and her kids at our house tomorrow night...thinking kid friendly food.  Seems safe to me.  Hot dogs or hamburgers.......maybe I can create a poll.  Pizza, but that's expensive.  And we're recovering from vay-cay.  Fucking money.

So, for tonight, I consider this week a success.  Stephen and I made it through his new long schedule, and the kids were very good, studied, did what they need to do.  Did they annoy me from time to time?  Yes.  But they're good kids and I love them.

Heading into 2013 with a smile.

Crazy eyes?

Maybe I need more time off of facebook?  I don't know.  But I find myself comparing (bad thing for somebody with low self esteem to do) and it seems like everybody else has it figured out.  And here's me...............38  years old........still trying to figure out me.  For years it was easy...from 21 until now, babies and people have needed me.  The last year or so, they don't.  I can say "job well done", as my children seem happy and ready to do things on their own, which is what we want.  On the other hand, who am I?  What am I?  Diagnosed clinically depressed (I must stress, not my fault......genetics or something), never happy with myself.......what do I do?  I try to enroll in college......fuckups from 20 years ago become obstacles.  I think of working.....where?  Who would hire me?

I think I may have ADD, which explains the crazy eyes.  Always looking for something to do.  Starting a project and stopping halfway.  Staying up late, in silence.  Part of that is that I enjoy the silence.  Part of it is scheming for the next day.

I know I'm not alone.....I can't be.  Am I the only 30 something stay-at-home mom who has no fucking clue what she wants to be when she grows up?

time moving

Another year almost over.....more changes in the last couple of years than I could've thought possible.  That's change, though, right?  You don't know how or when....but there it is.

Back from a wonderful vacation...Christmas in the Smoky Mountains with Stephen & the kids.  What a great vacation.  We had lots of love, lots of adventures...saw Nonnie & Papa, and Ronnie and Susan...was a great time.  Made a new friend, Maryfrances, Nonnie & Papa's neighbor in the mountains.  Amazingly, she knows lots of people we know - she's from Brandon, and has lived in Brandon, Riverview, Tavares, and now North Carolina.  Small world.

Heading into January with lots of self conviction...resolution and self love.  Definitely self love.  Here we go, 2013.........here we go!

getting my ooooohhhh la la back

The YMCA staff are kind of starting to recognize me...I think.  I'm sure it helps that my name is on my card, but, well, I think they are recognizing me.  I've been a regular the last two weeks.  Loving myself.  Learning how to make myself love myself.  I've been really good about not stress eating...and cut out alcohol.  Cutting it out for this entire month.  Will probably enjoy a Stella on Christmas, and will definitely celebrate New Year's Eve, but otherwise, taking a break.  Lost 4 pounds already.  I'm telling you, wine has a lot of calories.........

Got pedis this morning with my bestie and another friend...girl time is good.  Beyond great, actually.  It's so nice to have my dead skin shaved off with a cheese grater in front of my friends, whose pedi technicians only have to use the buffer thing.  I get the cheese grater, the bandsaw, the drill, then a buffer thing.  Hope it didn't gross them out too much.  If I wind up getting pedis alone from now on, I'll know why.

Rachel is having a little party here tonight.  Having fun listening to teenage girls watch "Glee: The Movie" and sing along.  To be young.......they just don't know, you know?  You know?  I love it...they're beautiful and amazing and precious.  And fun.  There are also huge bowls of white chocolate covered pretzels, M&M's, chips, and a big tray of cuban sandwiches...Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper.  Having fun listening to it.

Four days till we leave for our trip to North Carolina for Christmas - getting wicked excited...drive will be about 10 hours.  Hope to see snow.  Hope my Florida blood doesn't put out a hit on me.  I can't wait...North Carolina with my husband, all of our kids, and my in-laws.  Will miss my mom and sissy and family, but am really looking forward to this vacation.  It's been a tough year, with a lot of blessings, too, and it will be nice to relax in a cabin and look at mountains.  If it snows, you know I'll be outside playing in it.