Today was productive...laundry, took our youngest for a playdate with her cousins, took my oldest to the mall with one of her cousins. Roasted a chicken. Wrote. Watched a movie. Productive?? I think so.
My cousin's dad passed away this week, of the same thing that my dad passed away from almost three years ago. My heart is breaking for her, and it's also bringing up some issues of loss and unfairness for me. Pulmonary Fibrosis is a horrible disease. It makes me angry. I look at my mom and scream IT'S NOT FAIR, I look at my sister and scream IT'S NOT FAIR, I look at my kids and scream IT'S NOT FAIR. Guess what? It's not fair. I can't do anything about the fairness, but I can promise you that I hug harder and love harder now than I ever did before.
Loss is a tricky thing - we can get stuck there, which I work every day not to be, or we can love and appreciate the time we had with the one we love. I choose to love and appreciate the time I had with the one I love. And if I can hug my cousin hard, because I know that hurt, I hope she knows my heart is hurting for her, but that we will be okay. Life is different now. I called it "the new normal" after my dad passed away. I think this is an applicable term for anybody that goes through a life changing event.
I welcome the alarm clock. Wake me up, bitch.
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