dad

I miss my dad.
I miss my dad.
I miss my dad.
I miss my dad.

Every year for the last five years, as October 18 gets closer, I think about the day our lives were forever changed and my dad passed away.  I love him and miss him so much.  The last couple of years I've made plans to do things with family and friends and have fun, and celebrate how much we love him.  I think that's good...I don't want October 18 to be a day that I'm forever not looking forward to.  It's a day.  We are in the new normal, and have been for five years, so why hate the day?

Today my mom, my sissy, and I went on a wine cruise with two friends, and had a good day.  It was fun, we toasted to dad, and had a lot of laughter.  Of course I'd rather him be here...shit, especially right now!  His voice, his advice, would be an advantage to me in this fight to become me, but I know his energy and love are still with me.  So why not have a day with laughter?  A day to remember him with smiles instead of remembering that that's the day on the calendar that his body left.

I still cry, I cry a lot, and probably will forever, but I also smile a lot more than I used to about him.  I'm learning to replace the sadness and emptiness with smiling and pride that I got him for my dad.  Me.  How did I get so lucky?

I love my dad.
I love my dad.
I love my dad.
I love my dad.