roots

Home from a much too quick trip to Alabama for our family reunion.  Second time there since Granny passed away, and it's so strange to me to go there and know we're not going to see her.  Got me thinking...about where we come from, if our ancestors loved us already before they knew us.  I know I think about things like that.  I hope I leave a legacy of love and I hope my great great great grandchildren know I love them.  Roots are incredibly powerful.  So strong many times, and thirsty...always growing and reaching.  Their goal to grow and expand what they've created.  I look at my features...my eyes, ears, hands...and wonder what piece of who did that come from.  I look at my children's features, and I see me in them, and I see Stephen in them, and I wonder...who else?  Stewarts love to say "our roots run deep"...they sure do.  Our family is so large, and when we all come together, I see so much love between all of us.

I love and miss my Granny.  She was a wealth of information and stories about our family.  I started researching our ancestry several years ago, and couldn't believe the amount of information she had.  All so crisp and clear, like it was yesterday.  And fun stories that left me laughing.  And sad stories, and even tragedy.

The roots keep the tree growing, though.  A branch may be affected by drought or storm, but it will recover.  A leaf may be gone, but it always is part of the tree.  It falls to the base and grows back into the tree.  We have a big, strong tree.  Indeed.

no kleenex

Today was the 5th grade celebration for our youngest son.  I had fun, delivering the pizzas, helping serve food, watching the kids dance.  As the slideshow started, I sat down, ready to enjoy the pictures and smile.  I did smile and enjoy the pictures.  But in the few moments of quiet during the slideshow, I became overwhelmed with emotion.  Pride, happiness, joy...and the feeling that so much has happened in the last couple of years, and God I hope I'm doing this right.  So much loss, but so much gain...I hope I'm helping grow my children into kind, successful, loving people.  We've experienced so much in the last couple of years.  I lost my dad, lost my home, almost lost my marriage, had a miscarriage...it all hit me at once.  Life kept right on walking, running sometimes, and I pray that along the way I showed my children a strong, loving woman.  I know I showed weakness at times, and sometimes I dwell on that, but I try to trust in my strength, trust in God, embrace the blessings He's given me, and enjoy this journey...and focus on strength.  I watched my son enjoying his friends, I danced, I laughed...I did all of these things today.  Thank you, God.  Thank you.

what is it?

Is it hormones?  Is it burnout?  I don't know, but I know I'm tired.  Summer is on its way and I can't wait!  Today was one of those days - Florida rain eliminating the possibility of me being motivated to do anything.  Anything.

In true Florida fashion, we pulled off the end of year party for my oldest daughter's Girl Scouts troop.  Swim, swim in the rain, looking for lightning.  There never was any.  Enjoyed a Latin feast...girls had a fun trivia game, got their awards, it all wrapped up, and I question why I want to look forward to wrapping up the school year...like summer.  That means that a school year has wrapped up, and it's all going by so fast.  Is that really something we want to rush?  I think not.  I do think summer is worth looking for, don't get me wrong.  But it means I'm rushing away the stuff that keeps us busy, and sometimes busy is a good thing.  I can assure you my kind of busy is a good thing.  Thank you, 594, for making our lives more fun, more beautiful...and to our leader, Sam, who I cannot say enough about.  Girl Scouts RULE.  I love these girls.  I love love love  love love them.  Without a doubt!

wrapping

As the school year comes to an end and summer is upon us, I am thrilled.  Dancing.  Shaking my butt.  Singing, "oooohhh oohhhh!"  I know that by early August I'll be ready for school to start, but for now...in a couple of weeks, we'll be able to sleep in late and play all day!  Been wrapping up, for the school year, Girl Scouts and PTA stuff...and been really good about working out.  Thank you, Debby.  :)

Rewarding ourselves this weekend with a mini getaway, duel family, with the Carlucci-Farina brood, to Orlando.  I can't wait to sit by the pool and relax.  Breathe.  Stare and my husband and have him ask, "Why are you staring at me?" I hope my husband knows how much I love him.  Cuz I sure do.  Anyway, picture this - Turner Clan of six...Carlucci-Farina brood of six...Orlando...swimming...fun....me getting my hair done (ahhhhh.......)....and heading back on Monday for Memorial Day cookout and swimming at mom's.  I anticipate some sun this weekend.  Don't worry - there will be sunscreen.  You aren't a Florida girl without knowing that the sun don't play.  I also anticipate looking for a workout room...  ;)

the loss of a pregnancy

So I put on smiles, it's okay, I know it's not my fault, I know it's not that uncommon.  I fooled myself, I fooled you all...it's not okay.  I am not doing okay with it.  It's sad and it hurts and I feel a loss and I feel broken.  It hurts to see babies.  For months now I've felt like if I feel sad or stay in the sadness, it's like I don't appreciate what I have.  But that's just not true.  I love what I have, I love my family, I know I'm blessed.  But I also want to cry and not be okay about the loss of a pregnancy.

Embracing my tummy, smile so big
Trying so hard, they finally smile and gasp
Happiness and hope, already loved so much

Deflated, defeated, broken
Seemingly in one breath
White coat consoling
Leave me alone

Growth and life all around her, all the time
And it has muted color to her now
Reach within to pull sanity back, please
Please.

grabbing time

I looked at some old pictures this weekend, as my oldest daughter turned 16 on Sunday.  Boy, talk about grabbing time.  It sure is going by so fast!!  I look at my grey hairs, my kids' huge shoes...my grey hairs.  I'll be celebrating my 16th Mother's Day this Sunday - wow!  I love it!  Those numbers seem so big, but feel so small...I was just changing my oldest daughter's diapers, getting her out of the cat food, telling her you can't eat butter like cheese, taking her to Kindergarten...I hope I'm doing my job as mommy right...I know I'm doing the best I can.

My sister is having her second baby today.  As I'm reflecting on the baby days in our household, and how we got through it, she's starting the adventure again.  I will help her grab some time...slow down and enjoy.

whatever happened to........

Ever heard "whatever happened to......."  You fill in the blank.  Women doing their part.  Men doing their part.    A man's word.  Yada.  You know what happened to it?  It disappeared.  One day you have something, and the next day it's gone.  Times change.  Women's roles change.  Men's roles change.  A man's word, sadly, is not what it used to be.  Can we reinvent this expression, please?  If we dwell on "what happened to", we stop thinking "what can I do".

Progress is my word of the day:

pro·gress/ˈprägrəs/

Noun:	Forward or onward movement toward a destination.
Verb:	Move forward or onward in space or time: "as the century progressed, the quality of telescopes improved".
Synonyms:	noun.  advance - advancement - development - progression verb.  advance - proceed - get on - develop