wrapping

As the school year comes to an end and summer is upon us, I am thrilled.  Dancing.  Shaking my butt.  Singing, "oooohhh oohhhh!"  I know that by early August I'll be ready for school to start, but for now...in a couple of weeks, we'll be able to sleep in late and play all day!  Been wrapping up, for the school year, Girl Scouts and PTA stuff...and been really good about working out.  Thank you, Debby.  :)

Rewarding ourselves this weekend with a mini getaway, duel family, with the Carlucci-Farina brood, to Orlando.  I can't wait to sit by the pool and relax.  Breathe.  Stare and my husband and have him ask, "Why are you staring at me?" I hope my husband knows how much I love him.  Cuz I sure do.  Anyway, picture this - Turner Clan of six...Carlucci-Farina brood of six...Orlando...swimming...fun....me getting my hair done (ahhhhh.......)....and heading back on Monday for Memorial Day cookout and swimming at mom's.  I anticipate some sun this weekend.  Don't worry - there will be sunscreen.  You aren't a Florida girl without knowing that the sun don't play.  I also anticipate looking for a workout room...  ;)

the loss of a pregnancy

So I put on smiles, it's okay, I know it's not my fault, I know it's not that uncommon.  I fooled myself, I fooled you all...it's not okay.  I am not doing okay with it.  It's sad and it hurts and I feel a loss and I feel broken.  It hurts to see babies.  For months now I've felt like if I feel sad or stay in the sadness, it's like I don't appreciate what I have.  But that's just not true.  I love what I have, I love my family, I know I'm blessed.  But I also want to cry and not be okay about the loss of a pregnancy.

Embracing my tummy, smile so big
Trying so hard, they finally smile and gasp
Happiness and hope, already loved so much

Deflated, defeated, broken
Seemingly in one breath
White coat consoling
Leave me alone

Growth and life all around her, all the time
And it has muted color to her now
Reach within to pull sanity back, please
Please.

grabbing time

I looked at some old pictures this weekend, as my oldest daughter turned 16 on Sunday.  Boy, talk about grabbing time.  It sure is going by so fast!!  I look at my grey hairs, my kids' huge shoes...my grey hairs.  I'll be celebrating my 16th Mother's Day this Sunday - wow!  I love it!  Those numbers seem so big, but feel so small...I was just changing my oldest daughter's diapers, getting her out of the cat food, telling her you can't eat butter like cheese, taking her to Kindergarten...I hope I'm doing my job as mommy right...I know I'm doing the best I can.

My sister is having her second baby today.  As I'm reflecting on the baby days in our household, and how we got through it, she's starting the adventure again.  I will help her grab some time...slow down and enjoy.

whatever happened to........

Ever heard "whatever happened to......."  You fill in the blank.  Women doing their part.  Men doing their part.    A man's word.  Yada.  You know what happened to it?  It disappeared.  One day you have something, and the next day it's gone.  Times change.  Women's roles change.  Men's roles change.  A man's word, sadly, is not what it used to be.  Can we reinvent this expression, please?  If we dwell on "what happened to", we stop thinking "what can I do".

Progress is my word of the day:

pro·gress/ˈprägrəs/

Noun:	Forward or onward movement toward a destination.
Verb:	Move forward or onward in space or time: "as the century progressed, the quality of telescopes improved".
Synonyms:	noun.  advance - advancement - development - progression verb.  advance - proceed - get on - develop

Aloha

Every day there is laughter, fighting, love, and eye rolls in our house.  These beautiful sounds and gestures have been amplified the last nine days, as my bestie's children joined us for our grumpy morning routines, car lines, school programs, and dinner table follies.  They head home today, and we'll miss the extra goofiness and smiles, but I know they're ready to go back to their beds, their parents...and it will be good to have a little normal around here again, too.  And I think my husband mortified the teenage girls last night with a sex talk. Well, a don't have sex talk.

This week has gotten me thinking about what I'm going to do when they're all grown up...what will I do?  What will that be like??  I've written for years, mostly journaling and poems, and started a book a few years ago, and put it off, put it down, stopped contributing my thoughts and words to it, and so it sits.  I'm considering picking it back up.  I'm considering going back to college and getting a degree in English.  I tried the online college thing a few months ago, and it was not for me.  Not at all.  I much prefer being in a classroom on a campus. I love that I get to consider things...I'm good at that.  If there were a degree in it...

Funny how having small, freckle faced, smiling, grumpy, sleepy eyed, small hands holding yours can make me think about so many things...I want everything for them, but I don't want to get lost in the process.  Working out and walking more consistently is good for me, and I think picking my book back up would be, too.  And dates with my husband.  Are you reading this, honey?

weekend, where art thou?

Oh, there you are.  It's Friday.  Technically the weekend, right?  Good.  Another 45 minute workout to kick it off.

I have two nights to consume wine and not feel bad about it.  Woot.  I would put an exclamation point, but I'm tired.  And my body hurts.  Stairmaster, treadmill, & recumbent bicycle tonight.  What what??  That's right.  Boob sweat and all.  In fact, sweat in my pants for the second time this week.  And both times went to the grocery store after.  Tonight I opted for Winn Dixie in Seffner.  If you've ever been to Seffner, you understand why boob and crotch sweat shopping is okay.  Decided Publix is a little too classy.

Five kids delivered to four schools every day this week on time, and picked up on time.  And baby girl's program last night at school.  The week went well.  Wasn't sure we'd manage it, but indeed, the Turner Clan put on it's super cape and rocked the hell out of schedules.  Schedules can kiss my slowly firming butt.

Have a great weekend, folks..it's a beautiful day to smile and stretch and love and play.

toothpicks

I need toothpicks to keep my eyes open.  You know those pictures you see of really tired people with toothpicks keeping their eyes open?  That's me.  The regular enforcers of laughter, fighting, joy, and screaming have two comrades this week.  Yes, the miniature people in my house went from three to five this week.  And I'm beat.  If you're considering having five kids, consider this:

1. Get a sponsor much like Danica Patrick did.  You might as well.  You will be driving all day, and driving on the road with very selfish people all around you.  That's right, all local driving on local roads...some in rural areas.  Smile and nod, cracks and potholes.  I've learned where to put my wheels.  As you know, I am only trying to get where I'm going safely, as I'm sure you will be, but everybody else is a jackwagon and causes traffic problems.  They don't share the road.  They relentlessly ride your back.  How much does Danica make?

2. They aren't all going to wake up easily.  In fact, you may want to think about keeping a bell, whistle, or pots and pans readily available to bang.  Think of it as reliving your days rocking out to GNR.  Well, if you're considering having five kids, you're probably not my age...okay, think of it as reliving your days rocking out to Slipknot.  It's fun, really...see which one opens one eye and snarls first.

3.  INVEST IN COFFEE.  I can't stress this enough.  Those energy boost drinks are really bad for you, but a couple of cups of coffee in the morning goes a long way.  Again, I cannot stress this enough...if you don't like coffee, please please please start.

4.  They don't all like the same food.  'Nuff said.  Prepare them early, around the time they learn to talk and understand, that they will like what you make.

5.  Reusing towels must be done.  Otherwise you will not have time to drive 50 miles a day, as you'll be washing towels every day.

6.  Girls...if they're girls, they become teenagers.  Teenage girls have periods.

7.  Exercise - take 45 minutes a day to yourself to focus on you.  While doing that, worry the entire time about them even though your spouse is home taking care of them.

These are just a few to get you started...I'm sure by the time you've had number two, you'll get it and can fill in your own blanks.