schedules make me happy

As much as I enjoy days where we can do what we want, I certainly do enjoy school being back.  Time to get up, get the day going...to get to school on time, get to music lessons on time, be tired at night.

This week was great, everybody is getting back into the swing of things...a productive week.  Our oldest daughter started full time virtual school, & is doing awesome already!  Oldest son started 11th grade, youngest son started 7th grade, and youngest daughter started 5th grade.  Busy babies, and I love it.

Weekend was great, went to mom's Friday night so the crazy cousins could play, and went to mom's yesterday to celebrate my brother-in-law's birthday.  Chinese pig out and sleepovers...some here, some at my sister's.  Star Trek movies all night, and watching the Rays score on my phone...Rays win.  Bucs win.  Yeah baby!

Walked two miles today with my husband and girls...felt great, but it was hot outside.  Duh.  Rain will be arriving shortly, hope it cools the house off some.  Husband & boys mowed the grass...a productive Sunday.  Of course, the kitchen is a mess and the laundry is laughing at me, but I told them both to fuck off, so I'm going to sit here & watch a movie.  Happy Sunday, peeps!

hot

It was hot today.  Like really hot.  Like steam coming off of parking lots from the puddles formed from the afternoon rain hot.  Boob sweat hot.  Florida summer hot, baby.

Got school supply shopping done.  Wore my Piggly Wiggly Bonifay shirt out and a woman waved at Office Depot & said, "I'm from that area!  I'm from Graceville".  I said, "Yeah?!" and smiled and waved.  Chloe asked me who she was.  I said, "I don't know, just somebody that saw my shirt and was being friendly".  Friendly people are fun.  My dad would've talked to her.  If it weren't for the rain, I would've, too.

Got home & the kids put their backpacks together in a frenzy...I remember the excitement of school getting ready to start.  Fun to watch them tear open paper & pencils.  Love the smell, too.  Got supplies put away, Stephen ordered pizza for the kids, & I met a friend for dinner at Genghis Grill.

I'll pretend for a moment that I'm a restaurant critic.  Food was good, flavor was great.  A little pricey for the amount of food you get.  The company was great, but that's my taste in friends, no kudos to Genghis Grill on that.  Customer service was great, could have been a little cleaner.  Glad we went, it was fun!

Went to O'Brien's after to girl talk & to use a gross bathroom, & ran into another friend.  Fun night!  Home a little late, crazy pills not working right, mind a little busy.  I need to catch some z's.

big family, lots of love

I have a shit ton of cousins.  Thank goodness.  Don't know what I'd do without them.  As we've grown up, our love for each other has gotten stronger, want to spend time together more, and need for each other amazing.  I can only credit this to our parents' generation & grandparents' generation.  That love of family, that sense of being there always, that knowing that you can count on your family, that deep rooted love, it is absolutely there.  Side note - I also have a shit ton of aunts and uncles, second cousins, third cousins, first cousins once removed...this is good.  They are like forever friends.

Our family has experienced a lot of loss in the last three and half years.  We all work hard at seeing each other for fun, throughout the year, but I gotta say, seeing family at funerals isn't fun.  This was another particularly hard week, and my heart is with my cousins and their children and siblings right now.  Man, who knew growing old involved losing things and people we love?  We understand early that life involves death, but it isn't easy.  Ever.  It stinks.

I have two aunts, one on my mom's side and one on my dad's side, both fighting cancer right now.  That stinks.  It hurts to watch people you love struggling with something so ugly.  I have another cousin whose mom just had surgery...prayers that way.  It seems we're always updating each other on family health...what the heck?  Weren't we just kids?

I had a friend tell me that when we're in our twenties, we "get"...we get married, we have kids, we get a job, we get a house...then we get a little older and we "lose".  We lose parents, we lose jobs, we lose houses.  Who knew.  Certainly changes perspective on things.

Yes, mom, I know you tried to tell me...listen, I was a teenager and didn't know you knew everything.

This has been one of those weeks for me with a lot of reflection...love hard, friends.

day dreamin'

Went to my official favorite spa today for the third time.  Loved it for the third time.  Thank you, J, for introducing me to it!  Used a gift card and got a massage (thank you, mom).  It was wonderful.

Got me thinking about tension in our bodies and stress, and what that can do to our bodies.  I was amazed at the things that the massage therapist worked out of my muscles.  I almost cried.  Toxins she said, drink plenty of water she said.  I believe that.

Check it out...  http://www.naturaltherapypages.co.uk/article/massage_benefits

Also finished up school clothes shopping.  Let's be clear - supplies are not finished yet.  Of course not.  We'll do that this weekend with every other parent in B-town that didn't finish their supply shopping.  I can't wait. Insert PacMan dying here.

Haven't journaled in my private journal in weeks.  Its good for me, going to do that this weekend.

Otherwise, been another summer fun day in the Turner Clan Castle.

bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

It's been hard for me this week to get motivated...I think I'm ready for an alarm clock.  I can't believe I said that!  But, yes, I'm ready for school to start.  To get my clan back on a schedule.

Today was productive...laundry, took our youngest for a playdate with her cousins, took my oldest to the mall with one of her cousins.  Roasted a chicken.  Wrote.  Watched a movie.  Productive??  I think so.

My cousin's dad passed away this week, of the same thing that my dad passed away from almost three years ago.  My heart is breaking for her, and it's also bringing up some issues of loss and unfairness for me.  Pulmonary Fibrosis is a horrible disease.  It makes me angry.  I look at my mom and scream IT'S NOT FAIR, I look at my sister and scream IT'S NOT FAIR, I look at my kids and scream IT'S NOT FAIR.  Guess what?  It's not fair.  I can't do anything about the fairness, but I can promise you that I hug harder and love harder now than I ever did before.

Loss is a tricky thing - we can get stuck there, which I work every day not to be, or we can love and appreciate the time we had with the one we love.  I choose to love and appreciate the time I had with the one I love.  And if I can hug my cousin hard, because I know that hurt, I hope she knows my heart is hurting for her, but that we will be okay.  Life is different now.  I called it "the new normal" after my dad passed away.  I think this is an applicable term for anybody that goes through a life changing event.

I welcome the alarm clock.  Wake me up, bitch.

yes, do my lip, too...

Got my eyebrows waxed today...needed it bad.  "I do your lip, too?".  Yes, please.  Is it just B-Town, or does every town in America have a Vietnamese owned nail shop that also waxes?  

I was so tired today that I almost fell asleep while the lady waxed and plucked.  B12, you can't come fast enough.  By the way, Walgreens, stop putting my B12 in those little vials.  They suck ass.  Give the big ones, please.

Clenched my teeth through more lady stuff today.  I don't want to wish my cycle away, my understanding is that what comes next is worse...but, the cycle does kind of wear on my nerves.  There's the cost involved in tampons and pantiliners, the moodiness, and the all around messiness.  Clean it up, cycle, get it under control.

Pinot Grigio and movies will make my night a wanderlust, as I am clean out of Motrin.  Sweet dreams, peeps.

a depressed middle aged woman confesses

I've battled depression for years.  Low self esteem and depression, really.  A long, fun road it's been (insert sarcastic, bitch voice here).  

I want to find what I'm good at, and haven't yet.  I'm starting to think it's not out there.  It hurts to try and try to find something you're good at and like to do, and not discover it.  To start to get excited about things, and then find you're as stuck there as you were in any other thing you tried to do.

One advantage of this is that you never don't realize your dreams.  Because you don't know what they are.  A disadvantage of this is that you are constantly comparing, constantly trying to figure out why you can't figure it out.

You know those people that are people persons, or math whizzes, or political science geniuses...yeah, I'm not any of those.  So there isn't some perfect fit for me.  I feel like I'm not good at much, and what I am good at isn't worth any attention.  

When you get to be 30 something.....fine, almost 40, make a girl tell the truth......and you have no fucking clue, it's almost embarrassing.  Why can't I figure it out?  What's wrong with me?

The few things I enjoy doing, I'm really not that good at.  It's true...I tell you, it's true.  Wife and mom, I love being those.  House cleaning, I can't stand.  Cooking, I like.  Put me outside the house, what am I?  Who am I?  Confused and overwhelmed.  

This message will self destruct in five minutes, as I'm PMS'ing.